It's A Plane, It's A Blimp, It's...Ashley

16 WEEKS

So I'm obviously huge already. My pregnancy has been great though. My only problem now is I have a rough time sleeping. It's super uncomfortable to be in any position, body pillow or not. Especially now that my belly is getting harder. Although I felt where the baby was today! It was either the head or butt pressed against my right side. I love knowing she is so close to me. Can't wait to feel the first kick or punch! 

School is going great. I have over 1,025 hours! It's all down hill from here. We are starting our huge hair show. The theme is Broadway and my group is doing Wicked. We get up to 7 minutes, we have 8 models (tin man, scare crow, Alphaba, 2 emerald city people, the good witch, lion, and the flying monkeys will be our back up dancers.) My group has the Lion and a emerald city girl. I am so excited! The show is in front of 2,000 people, so it has to be amazing. All of our music will be from Wicked, but remixed to dubstep or techno beats. So fun!

The hubby and I are addicted to watching Lost, we are on season 3 out of 6. I love it, we have dinner and cuddle on the couch while watching our favorite show. That's about it for now.

Silly Story: I was taking orders in the drive thru today and I asked the guy how he was doing. My hearing was so bad, I thought he said "I'm Hispanic" so i said "uhh what?" he repeated himself "I'm outstanding" Two totally different things. Then some girl asked me when I was due, I said "any day now" she said "holy moly, i didn't know you were so far along" I then realized what I had said, and I apologized for my brain not working and I told her I am due in September. I am out of it by the end of the day.

Ultimate Silly Story Of The Week: I called frank a Hermaphrodite, he asked if I even knew what that meant. I said "yeah, it's someone who eats plants".....it was a little too late to tell him I meant to say a Herbivore.  :)

Pregnancy = Stupidity and Forgetfulness

So if it's true what they say about pregnancy turning me into an airhead, then I have bad news - I've been pregnant my WHOLE LIFE. I'm giving birth to a 21 year old baby, can you say two epidurals? Listen to how "pregnancy" has had it's effect on me.
1. So I was playing Draw Something, which is like pictionary on your phone. I had three words to choose from when it was my turn to draw. The last word I didn't know what it meant, so I used dictionary.com. Turns out the word wasn't Mono-Poly like i read it, it was just Monopoly.  Good times.
2. I was on the phone with my mom and I was trying to think of the word Impersonator, but i called it a Mimicist.
3. Last but not least, I sat at a stop sign waiting for it to turn green. Don't worry I figured it out after about 2-3 minutes.

If you know me at all, you know these are daily mistakes. I tried to tell Frank it's all pregnancy craziness, but he just told me I'm cuter when I don't talk. I wasn't even upset because well, I am really pretty.

Speaking of pretty, some random guy tried to hit on me at work today. I was outside taking orders in the drive thru, and a suburban pulls up. There was a big mexican guy in his 30's in the driver seat with his two friends.
He says "hey, lookin' good tonight."
Me- "thanks"
Mexican- "you married?"
Me- "and knocked up. listen i'm in school, i work here, and i got stretch marks, you don't want any of this."

Everyone in the car started laughing so hard. So he just said "ok then, how about a refill?" as he held up his drink. Good Times.

I feel like my temper is getting better, I'm not momzilla anymore. I keep on dreaming that I can feel my baby moving. One night I dreamed I could feel the babies heart beat because of her position on my side. The next night I dreamed she was moving so much I thought she was break dancing in her little placenta. I just want to feel my baby so bad!

So off topic, but I can't stop thinking about it. Mainly because I feel like I always end up in this situation, but...  When someone has a lazy eye, or a glass eye it's like which one do you look at?? I don't want to be rude and assume it's one eye when it's really the other. So I just stare back and forth at both, but then I look like I'm the one with the crazy eye.
Also, I figured out why they call them "tube socks" probably because my legs are so swollen my ankles are tubes. I have no knees, just four thighs. Straight leg pants fit me like skinny jeans. I'm a real treat to look at.

Even though I could curl up and be used as a wrecking ball, my brains are nowhere to be found. And, even though I fart as much as I talk, Frank still loves me. I think he has a lazy eye and is really looking at our cute neighbor, thinking it's me. It's been 8 months and a sad 25lbs later, but he still looks at me like he did when we met at the airport. I remember it perfectly; the huge smile on his face, the terrified look that was on mine, the black suit and purple tie he wore, and that cute little baby face that makes me melt. We were two strangers who were head over heels in love. That was the best weekend we have ever had. The chemistry was instant, that sweater that uncle mike claims he borrowed from me was adorable, our late night movies and cuddling on the couch was romantic, and those little glances at each other throughout the whole weekend said "I Love You." 15 months later, he still has that smile on his face, we still glance at each other with love, cuddling on the couch is practically our hobby, I come home to candle light dinners, and every morning and every night I get the sweetest kiss. Now we have a dragon baby on the way and we couldn't be happier.
So, I may be huge, cranky, and a big airhead, but I have everything I could ever ask for. Life is GOOD.

Can You Say HORMONAL??

It's starting to hit me, and no one stands a chance. If you look at me wrong, you're dead to me, raise your voice to me and you're just dead. I have long days, school 8:30-5, then I work. Two days ago I was supposed to work till 9:30, so you can imagine how annoying it was staying till 12:30am. I love the money, so I typically agree to staying to help, but that doesn't mean my hormones are agreeing. It was around 11pm, with only five people working, and we were getting slammed. I was taking orders in the drive, making drinks, and handing out the food. Seems easy, but when you are trying to roll 30 cars in a half hour, you can't waste a second. On top of the rush, I get so annoyed with the border line down syndrome customers. After about an hour taking orders, you start to lose it. This is what I deal with:
Customer: "What is the difference between a hamburger and a cheese burger?"
Me: "One piece of cheese sir...."
 (really??? We live in America, we are known for eating burgers and fries, who doesn't know the difference?)

Customer: "I would like a number two no onions, and thats it."
Me: "Uh, so what do you want to drink?"
 (when you order a combo, you're aware it comes with fries and a drink. You obviously know to order onions or no onions, so why can't you manage to tell me your drink??)

Customer: "Can I switch the drink for a shake?"
Me:"Yeah"
Customer: "Ok, I'll do that."
Me: "Soooo what kind of shake?"

Oh heavens my heart is angry thinking about hearing these comments. People, we only sell burgers, fries, and shakes. You can order a number 1, 2, or 3, that's it. Why are people still having complications?

Anyways, so I was already annoyed with taking orders, I can't describe how not funny it was when my friends/employees started joking around with me. My manager asked me to do something and I stared at him and said "Watch the tone Jeff" then all the guys laughed and warned everyone to not go in my corner. Funny now, but can't say I was laughing then.
So all of that is going on at work, then I have to deal with school. I had an elderly lady as my client yesterday, and the second I introduced myself she asked if I was pregnant. Old lady river, if this was just a month ago when I was just fat, I would of snapped your neck. As the words came out of her wrinkled mouth, I thought back to China. I was getting a pedicure, when the guy asked my translator a question, the look on my translators face told me it was something I didn't want to hear. So of course I made him tell me. He saw a ring on my left finger and wanted to know if I was married and pregnant. With my other friends with me, listening, I was so embarrassed. This lady, although she was so sweet and genuinely excited for me, she almost lost her life. Utah sucks because there are 7 pregnant girls at my school, it really makes things not special.  Who cares what you are all having, or what crafts you've made for your baby room. You make me sick.
Ugh all this venting literally made me sweat out my anger. I feel great, I'm almost ready for a nap.
I am trying to leave my anger at the door when I come home. Is it working....I'll let Frank tell you how LOVELY I am. It's hard when we both have long days. He works two jobs, both commission, so half the time he is wasting his time and not getting paid. I can only imagine not making any sales, knowing you have a cranky wife on edge and a baby on the way. Whooooops. The good news is, when he makes me angry, it's something I can laugh off. He is just so cute, because he tries so hard to please me, but we all know boys just don't get it. I am so thankful to him for putting the dishes away, but when I open the cupboards and see that things are out of place or the tupperware was thrown in and not stacked, I immediately think "really?? why would you think it would go there? It never goes there!" Then after a deep breath, I realize I'm psycho and I just have a husband who loves me enough to help out, and that he is still a man who doesn't give a crap about the tupperware being stacked. Silly husband, silly wife equals one big happy family.
Speaking of happy family, did I mention I'm finally convinced we are having a ninja baby. It was always implied since my hubby is half Chinese, and both of us have taken Tae Kwon Do, so it's like, obviously the kid won't talk back, he will Judo Chop me in the throat. Racist, no, realistic yes! Last night I woke up to sharp pains in my right side. Ninja baby, escaped the placenta and was trying to exit through my side. I swear I felt his head bulging out my side. I now say it's a he, because my girls will be so innocent and pure, you know...kinda like how I was....I'm cool with this ninja baby though as long as this whole thing doesn't go all Twilight on me, and I grow a mutant baby that sucks the life out of me and frank has to eat through my stomach to get the baby out. Although I could lose a few pounds from the traumatic experience.

Here's the thing, I just read this whole blog, and in case you didn't notice, I am a full throttle delusional pregnant lady. Worst part is, I don't even care. At least I still have 8 of my toe nails and frank hasn't left me yet. Plus I graduate in 5 months!!! Life is B E A U TIFUL! Well, until next time......