Thursday, June 21, 2012

The Sun Can't Always Shine

Here's the thing, pregnancy beats the crap out of you. It absorbs your energy, changes your complexion, increases your food intake, makes your ankles look like a continuous thigh, you gain weight and with weight comes stretch marks, and unfortunately you are full of hormones. I'm convinced i'm not swollen because i'm fat, it's because i'm full of hormones. Spend a day with me and my temper and you will agree.

I always thought being pregnant would be the best. I would have this adorable round belly (hiding my previous gut) and I would love having a growing child inside of me. In my dreams I actually got skinnier being pregnant, I had a glow, and I wanted to flaunt my pregnant self around town. I always hear women talking about how much they love being pregnant and what a blessing it is. Here is what I have to say to that...
What crack are you smoking??

I have been very blessed with an easy pregnancy. Morning sickness was me throwing up twice. Yeah I have swollen feet, but i'm also on my feet all day and night. I've never had any complications, I am very lucky. Yet being pregnant has been the hardest thing for me. I was depressed for a good 6 months. I hated feeling so tired. I hate that I have to be at school 47 hours a week or I won't graduate before the baby. I hate that I also have to work nights. I hated that awkward stage of "is she fat or is she pregnant?" I hated that it took until 22 weeks to actually feel Madison constantly. I hate the weight that I have gained, yet I'm not willing to  go to the gym. I hate being grumpy and taking it out on those around me, esp my poor husband. Some women feel their sexiest when they are pregnant. I would rather look at a picture of gonorrhea than see my naked self.  Get the picture??

I will never regret getting pregnant, however, I wish it would have happened even a month later so I wasn't so rushed to graduate. I know things will be so much better once we have moved and I can set up Madison's room. It hasn't really hit me yet that a baby is on the way and she will need me. Me being pregnant and so exhausted has taken a toll on Frank and I as newly weds. Which is why I say, "The Sun Can't Always Shine"  because things in life will come your way and bring you down. I am not always going to be happy and positive.

But then I got to thinking, and actually the sun does always shine. There is never a dull moment for the sun. The sun might not always be in a spot where we can see it shine, but that shouldn't darken our mood. I started thinking about the physical changes and the mood swings, and why Heavenly Father, such a loving guy, would put us through that. Then it hit me. In 10 weeks I will hold the most precious gift in all the world. I will get to see the face of my beautiful daughter. I will get to nurture her, be her hero, and watch her grow. That is so worth all the stretch marks, pain, and weakness.

My mom is my best friend. I call her almost every day, if not more. She is my hero and my best friend. So as long as I am at least half the mom that my mother is to me, Madison will love me forever.

With all that aside, I would like to say that I am on week 30 and I am doing great. Doc says I am healthy, blood pressure is still good, and the pee samples are flowin'. Madison is a healthy 3lbs, punches and kicks her mom, opens and closes her eyes, and swallows her own pee. She also loves the movies, the noise makes  her move and kick like a bird trying to hatch from an egg. Luckily she doesn't have a beak because that would hurt.

Funny story: Frank informed me that after obtaining his masters in business he would love to one day become a senator. He would be great at being a senator, but that would make me the senators wife. Therefore I would have to be interviewed and closely watched. I mean, I am used to paparazzi, but let's be honest...me in an interview about politics? So I had Frank quiz me about political stuff to see how much I really need to learn and how much I can make up. He asked me who our president was, I passed. Then he asked who was the vice president and the secretary, I have no idea, so instead of saying nothing, I went with George Washington. lol. We have come to the conclusion that if I become a senators wife, if I come across a question I do not know the answer to, I will just smile and start posing. Which leads me to the fact that if I was still single I would do really good on the show Beauty and the Geek.

So now it's timeline time. I want to post these pictures not to get depressed about how cute and skinny I was, or to publicly humiliate myself, but to motivate me. (also motivate is spelt with a T not a D, spell check just told me that). After I have M, I want to gain my confidence back and go back to that healthy looking girl I was. I wasn't skinny, but I was healthy and a good weight, and it's an ideal goal to start out with. So here goes nothing.

                                               This is me in china before I met Frank
This is when Frank and I were engaged
Our Wedding
When I first got pregnant
About 18 weeks
25 Weeks
Now 30 Weeks

Cute pics, but I want my body back!!








Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Maternity Pictures

So I attempted to take my maternities myself. I didn't see the need to pay for pictures of my fat self. Now that I have the pictures I wish I would have paid for some. However no amount of money could make me look skinnier so here is what we came up with.
Make-up & Hair: Acacia and Emily
Photographer: Kayci
Caddy: Elise
Thank you ladies for putting up with my pregnant-zilla photo shoot.