I always thought being pregnant would be the best. I would have this adorable round belly (hiding my previous gut) and I would love having a growing child inside of me. In my dreams I actually got skinnier being pregnant, I had a glow, and I wanted to flaunt my pregnant self around town. I always hear women talking about how much they love being pregnant and what a blessing it is. Here is what I have to say to that...
What crack are you smoking??
I have been very blessed with an easy pregnancy. Morning sickness was me throwing up twice. Yeah I have swollen feet, but i'm also on my feet all day and night. I've never had any complications, I am very lucky. Yet being pregnant has been the hardest thing for me. I was depressed for a good 6 months. I hated feeling so tired. I hate that I have to be at school 47 hours a week or I won't graduate before the baby. I hate that I also have to work nights. I hated that awkward stage of "is she fat or is she pregnant?" I hated that it took until 22 weeks to actually feel Madison constantly. I hate the weight that I have gained, yet I'm not willing to go to the gym. I hate being grumpy and taking it out on those around me, esp my poor husband. Some women feel their sexiest when they are pregnant. I would rather look at a picture of gonorrhea than see my naked self. Get the picture??
I will never regret getting pregnant, however, I wish it would have happened even a month later so I wasn't so rushed to graduate. I know things will be so much better once we have moved and I can set up Madison's room. It hasn't really hit me yet that a baby is on the way and she will need me. Me being pregnant and so exhausted has taken a toll on Frank and I as newly weds. Which is why I say, "The Sun Can't Always Shine" because things in life will come your way and bring you down. I am not always going to be happy and positive.
But then I got to thinking, and actually the sun does always shine. There is never a dull moment for the sun. The sun might not always be in a spot where we can see it shine, but that shouldn't darken our mood. I started thinking about the physical changes and the mood swings, and why Heavenly Father, such a loving guy, would put us through that. Then it hit me. In 10 weeks I will hold the most precious gift in all the world. I will get to see the face of my beautiful daughter. I will get to nurture her, be her hero, and watch her grow. That is so worth all the stretch marks, pain, and weakness.
My mom is my best friend. I call her almost every day, if not more. She is my hero and my best friend. So as long as I am at least half the mom that my mother is to me, Madison will love me forever.
With all that aside, I would like to say that I am on week 30 and I am doing great. Doc says I am healthy, blood pressure is still good, and the pee samples are flowin'. Madison is a healthy 3lbs, punches and kicks her mom, opens and closes her eyes, and swallows her own pee. She also loves the movies, the noise makes her move and kick like a bird trying to hatch from an egg. Luckily she doesn't have a beak because that would hurt.
Funny story: Frank informed me that after obtaining his masters in business he would love to one day become a senator. He would be great at being a senator, but that would make me the senators wife. Therefore I would have to be interviewed and closely watched. I mean, I am used to paparazzi, but let's be honest...me in an interview about politics? So I had Frank quiz me about political stuff to see how much I really need to learn and how much I can make up. He asked me who our president was, I passed. Then he asked who was the vice president and the secretary, I have no idea, so instead of saying nothing, I went with George Washington. lol. We have come to the conclusion that if I become a senators wife, if I come across a question I do not know the answer to, I will just smile and start posing. Which leads me to the fact that if I was still single I would do really good on the show Beauty and the Geek.
So now it's timeline time. I want to post these pictures not to get depressed about how cute and skinny I was, or to publicly humiliate myself, but to motivate me. (also motivate is spelt with a T not a D, spell check just told me that). After I have M, I want to gain my confidence back and go back to that healthy looking girl I was. I wasn't skinny, but I was healthy and a good weight, and it's an ideal goal to start out with. So here goes nothing.
This is me in china before I met Frank
This is when Frank and I were engaged
Our Wedding
When I first got pregnant
About 18 weeks
25 Weeks
Now 30 Weeks
Cute pics, but I want my body back!!