Living In The Spotlight

            Have you ever wanted to be famous? Well I am. In some ways I consider myself none other than Hannah Montana, living the best of both worlds.

            It was only three months ago that I, Ashley Dykstra was nothing more than a struggling teenager, living off my $11.75 an hour pay from In-N-Out, moving house to house, and pretending to hang out with all those friends I didn’t really have.  I got bored with my life, so in August 2010 I packed up my belongings and moved to Jishou China, to be an English teacher. Before I knew it, I went from being invisible to being swarmed by thousands of my number one fans. It was now October and a huge week for Yasi Middle School, where I was teaching my 1,100 rambunctious students. It was the week of our Art Festival. Colorful banners, cheerful music, and excited children surrounded me. The kids were hard at work, practicing for the big performances they were forced to be part of as part of their grade.

My co-worker and I were nervous. If you are ever a foreigner in China you will quickly learn that they love foreigners, and any chance they get they will make you do something for them.  Within the first two months of living there I had sung on national TV in their version of American Idol, and I had been all over the internet for a Tae Kwon Do advertisement. So of course we saw it coming when they asked my room mate/co-worker Tessa and I to perform in the Art Festival. We got to pick what we were

 

 going to perform, and how long it would be, as long as it was approved by the head master first. The only thing I felt even remotely comfortable doing was what I was best at, rapping. I wrote a rap about Tessa and I being foreign English teachers at Yasi, and we practiced until the second we got on stage.

I walked into that auditorium full of confidence and swagger. Suddenly I saw the 3,000 plus students, teachers, and parents filling the stands all the way up to the nose bleeds. Every ounce of me about jumped out of my skin and ran out that front door. As the acts went by and it got closer and closer to performing my knees got weak and all I could do was sit. My students somehow found me in my hidden corner, made their presence known, and wished me good luck. Each kid who said hi to me just made me that much more nervous, they would think I was a fool if I messed up. My heart was racing as I walked to the side of the stage, waiting to go on next. I wondered if everyone could see my heart beating through my shirt. My stomach was in knots as I glared at my paper, reading and re-reading my lines. At this point anyone who talked to me just got the death stare. The only way I could pull this off was if I stayed in the zone, shutting out the entire world. I wondered if I could wrap myself in the long, dark purple, velvet curtains and hide until our act was over.

It was go time, I took the microphone in my shaking left hand then right foot forward I ran out on stage. “Yo, yo, yo, this one goes out to you Yasi!” I yelled as I ran out, throwing my arms in the air. Blinded by the florescent lights, all I could hear was screaming and kids chanting my name. As my eyes adjusted, I wished they hadn’t. I saw the row of principles, head masters, and counselors sitting front and center waiting to judge our act. The thousands of kids were on their feet, roaring for us to start, my stomach was turning and I feared I would vomit if I opened my mouth.

            As I started rapping I was shocked at how well it was going. I found myself starting to sway my body from left to right, using my hands, and releasing the robotic tone in my voice. The kids continued to go wild, running up to the stage, throwing their arms up, and screaming. Astounded I did a double take, looking around to make sure it was really me these kids loved, or if somehow Jackie Chan or Justin Bieber were standing behind me.  The crowd started singing along, the judges had smiles, and soon people couldn’t help but dance along. The nerves were far in my past, for now, I was thriving off the fame. My rap was coming to an end, I tried to stall, I wanted to remain living in the spotlight. My two minutes of fame were now over, yet the applause and chants remained. If they knew the English word for encore, they would have been shouting it. I threw my arms up one last time and gave my fans the peace sign, then giddily ran off stage.

            I didn’t even have a second to collect my thoughts, or control the excitement that was growing with every heart beat, before my students swarmed me. Hugs, high fives, and congratulations were all around. They wanted autographs on their arms, heads, and clothes. A grin from ear to ear was pinned on my face. I was ready to free style Eminem. The camera flashes were so bright and frequent that I could have gotten a tan. People I had never seen before took the time to not only talk to me, but worship me. The confidence turned into cockiness, I held my arms out, my hands motioning for them to stop, “Please people, no more pictures.” I felt like I was on top of the world. As I walked back to my seat I noticed chairs were empty; and it dawned on me that I was the reason. All those kids were following my every move, which was a little awkward as I walked towards the bathroom and explained that I needed a minute.

This insane four hour festival was now over and I was nothing short of exhausted. I never knew how draining it was to be popular and famous. On my bus ride home I thought of all the smiling faces I saw on my kids tonight. It made me so happy to know that they really cared for me and loved me no matter what. With my head leaning up against the cold window, I silently laughed to myself. I bet not even one third of those students understood me. How cool am I? These kids don’t have a single clue what I’m saying, or that I was even rapping about them, yet they still chased after me like a kid chases bubbles. The following days, I was talked about by my students and peers. I was curious how long my fame would really last, but as my girl Hannah says, “Life’s what you make it, so let’s make it rock.”  

This I Believe: Who You Are, Makes A Difference

            The last four months of my life have proved to be very challenging yet extremely rewarding. In August 2010, just a year out of high school, I packed what little I had and moved to Jishou China. I left all my friends, family and coworkers behind, as I went on a four month long journey to teach English at a middle school in Jishou. Arriving to China,  I was immediately punched in the face by reality. I had no idea where I was, who my room mate would be, how I could survive without my mommy, or even how to teach English to my assigned eleven hundred students ages thirteen-sixteen year olds. My first day approached faster than I anticipated and before I knew it, I was standing in front of approximately seventy children, all waiting for me to say, well, anything. My first week as an English teacher, in a school where only one third of your students understand you, went good excluding the fact that every time I entered a class, I feared I’d pee my pants or vomit. As the weeks and even months went by, I was surprised by the progress I was making. I always wondered how a girl like me, who has a bad memory, doesn’t like school, and is dependant on her mommy, could ever teach anything to a bunch of kids who were only three-six years younger than me. I remembered my favorite quote by Nelson Mandela stating, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?” Rereading this quote really put things in a perspective that I’ve never seen before, and I wanted to share it with the world. I spent the next two weeks teaching my students lessons like what makes someone beautiful, friendships, new years resolutions, and challenges they have endured. Through discussing these topics my students learned how they made a difference, in addition, also teaching me that I can make a difference.

At the end of each lesson I had each of them write ‘I am beautiful because...’ then they had to read it to the class. I left the classroom with two quotes on the board, “Who you are makes a difference” and “Remember who you are, you are Ashley’s super star.” It was those last few weeks of school that helped shaped me into who I am today. Even though I spent nine hours a day, six days a week teaching, there isn’t a doubt in my mind I am the one who walked away having learned more than I could ever imagine. Those kids changed my life just by attending my class, smiling when they had tears in their eyes, waving to me in the hall, and spending time with me outside of school. I love each and every one of them for exactly who they are. My students have taught me that although I was so nervous to teach, as long as I stayed true to myself, things would be ok. In return, I gained so much confidence and was able to overcome all obstacles that came my way. I am Ashley Dykstra, who I am makes a difference. 

Contagious Katilin

     “KAITLIN…I…LOVE…YOU!” Between every gasp for air, Kaitlin lets out a laugh. Tears stream down her skinny, pale face from laughing so hard. From an outside perspective I would look like the biggest jerk in town. There she was, this frail, helpless, obviously handicapped little child, and I was yelling at her. From a distance you would only see the tears, hear the faint breathing, and assume she was in pain by the way her body gathered together as if she was back in the womb. What you wouldn't know is that being yelled at is her favorite thing.

            Outside her immediate family no one in their right mind has the guts to yell at her, including her great-grandma, Aida, who thinks it’s pure evil. For the longest time Great Grandma and Kaitlin were the best of friends. They had one special thing in common; they both used wheel chairs, then eventually walkers. This is because Kaitlin was born with cerebral palsy, which is caused by injuries or abnormalities of the brain.

            Doctors told her family time after time that her disability would hold her back from talking, walking, eating normal food, going to normal schools, and everything in between. Her mother has nothing short of perfect hearing, but she just wouldn't hear it. She knew Kaitlin could do anything she wanted to; beat the odds, be that one in a million chance.

            At first it seemed doctors were right because progression didn't come easily in Kaitlin’s life. It seemed every time she started to move forward, there would be another setback. At one year old, and only thirteen pounds, Kaitlin spent most of her time on her back, still so weak that she couldn't even roll over. One day her older brother, Davis, was running from their tickle monster of a grandpa, not looking where he was going, and accidentally stepped on her foot. A scream similar to a baby’s first cry burst from her little mouth. With legs like twigs it was obvious Davis’s sixty pound body was too much, and that’s all it took to break her leg. Hot pink cast weighed almost as much as she did.   

            As Kaitlin healed, she started to progress. At two years old Kaitlin was finally strong enough to sit up on her own. Her cute little head would wobble around like a bobble-head on the car’s dashboard. Her bright blue eyes struggled every second to stay straight and focused, but the right eye could never keep up. Her milk-chocolate colored hair was cut into a bob with straight bangs. Drool soaked her red, chapped lips and drizzled down her chin and onto whatever toy she had on her lap. Typically it was a soft blue and white teddy bear that played the song “I Am a Child of God” when you pulled on both ends.

            There is one thing Kaitlin needs in life and that’s music. When asked what  Kaitlin loves, her mother made it very clear “Music, movies, music, attention, music, being yelled at, music, rides and bumpy roads, and music.” Kaitlin needs music like a fish needs water. Music helps silence her every cry, calm her every fear, and comfort her every worry. Without the right songs playing, at the right volume, Kaitlin will throw a tantrum, no matter how old she gets. Her family knows better than to play anything in her pink princess CD player other than Disney music or Connie Talbet, a famous ten year old singer. The same CDs are repeated all day, every day. If you live in her house you know every word to every song; you also now hate every word to every one of those songs. 

In Kaitlin’s world there is no such thing as a bad hair day, an “I have nothing to wear” day, or a dramatic “I hate my life, I’m just going to stay in bed today” day. None of that ever matters to her. She lives a carefree lifestyle where she can entertain herself for hours. She will do anything and everything to keep happy. Kaitlin’s mother describes Kaitlin’s life by saying, “She's happy even though she's never experienced the things we consider wonderful: chocolate ice cream, a first kiss, roller coaster ride, a funny movie, getting a good grade, or winning a race.”

It took year’s worth of work and diligence for her to beat the odds and start walking with a walker. At age seven she outgrew the wheel chair, walker, and luckily even her family. They no longer needed to carry her like a baby on their hips. Step by step Kaitlin started to understand more in life.

She uses her brain to communicate to her muscles in order to focus her bright blues eyes. She studies every move, of those around her, and learns to mimic, what she sees. After learning how to walk, she learned to hand someone her bottle and a can of Pediasure when she was hungry or a diaper and wipes when she needed to be changed. She has learned to control her massively long tongue in order to swallow regular food. She is now just like her four brothers who practically inhale a whole casserole in one meal. This eleven year old means business.

Kaitlin goes to school five days a week, from eight a.m. to three p.m., just like everyone else. Hers is not a typical school though. She gets to swing on a swing for hours, finger paint, sit in a wheel chair and stare at the wall, eat toys, and be fed by others. She never has homework or any assignments and they get to go on some awesome field trips.

Kaitlin’s family has loved watching her progress over the years. According to her cousin, Kayci, “It’s been hard watching her struggle, but it is amazing to watch her be triumphant over the little things like eating, walking, or being responsive to the environment around her.” Her family doesn't believe the doctors when they say she will never be like the average human being. “She will grow and learn and progress, but she will never outgrow her disability” claimed her mother. She might not talk or understand what we say but she is nothing short of a best friend. She is always there for you, loves watching movies with you, and makes you laugh. In Kaitlin’s family it is considered a blessing she doesn't talk; she knows all their secrets and would tell.

It has been an intense, painful, scary, and emotional roller coaster helping her grow up. Her siblings lost countless nights of sleep, days under the California sun with their friends, money for things they wanted because Kaitlin had hospital bills, and time because they were her babysitters at least four times a week. Helping her grow up made them lose a lot of their childhood. They needed to grow up fast, be strong, take one for the team. Back then her oldest sister cried herself to sleep at times, angry that taking care of Kaitlin was consuming her life. Now, after being away from home for a couple of years, her sister cries herself to sleep begging for the times when she had her by her side. Kaitlin is her greatest joy in life.

Her smile lights up a room better than any nightlight. Her laugh is so contagious it turns any bad day into a good one. With every hug you feel warmth, a sense of love and gratitude. With every tear she sheds you feel her pain. When Kaitlin is happy you can’t help but be happy too, every ounce of her is contagious. Kaitlin is God’s angel on earth, sent here to watch over the family, keep them together, and teach them more then anyone could ever learn at any school. In my family, Kaitlin is the center puzzle piece, it is through her that we all go together perfectly.

Madison's Rap

This is just a sample of what's to come. I'm back in business ladies and gentleman. Ashtray in the house.

Yo yo I just had a baby

6 hours of labor was straight up crazy

At 2am I was layin in bed

When I felt the warm gush like the doctor had said

This is it, yeah the time is now

In a couple of hours I won’t look like a cow

Rushin' to the hospital and feelin' the pain

Not stoppin' for red lights, so get out my lane

If you talk to me, I’ll punch you in the face

Just give me some time to find my happy place

It’s called an epidural and it makes me really happy

Soon I was numb so I took a long nappy

At 11:46 my daughter was here

I cried so hard, even frank shed a tear

6 pounds 1 oz she was the tinniest little thing

You could put her on a necklace and she’d hang like bling

Just a bundle of joy straight down from heaven

I’d keep her in my arms, never leave her like Kevin

Beautiful and healthy except for bilirubin

But she healed like a champ just like Mark Cuban

Now she’s getting bigger each and every day

She’s already callin’ all the kids to play

I dread the day that she will move out

I’ll cry in my closet, scream and shout

Cuz that’s my girl, yeah she’s my all

For her I’d do anything, I’d take the fall. 

"Umm Babe Wake Up, My Water Broke."

As all of you know Frank and I welcomed our baby girl Madison Noelle Chou to the world on August 14th. Since non of you were able to make it, I wanted to share my experience.

August 13th was a Monday, and it was a busy one. It was Gail's last day in America before she flew home that next morning. So before she left, we spent the day out to lunch at Red Lobster, then to my 37 week check up, and running other errands until I had to go to night school. Every five feet Gail got pictures of us, most of them we weren't prepared for. At my 37 week check up the doc said I was dilated 1cm. The previous day I had just talked to April Foutz and she told me that when her doc checked her at 38 weeks her water broke that night. So I was nervous after being checked because I still had 2 weeks of school left before I would graduate. At night school I worked in dispense, handing out color and product to all the students. I was trying to avoid anything that could send me into labor. All the girls said my belly looked really low and they thought I was going to pop at school. I knew my body was different those last two days. I had more frequent contractions, terrible back pains, and my whole body ached. Regardless, I made it through another night of night school and I was in bed by 12am.

Me at Red Lobster August 13th

Suddenly I felt a warm sensation that instantly made me wake right up. I thought to myself, 'you've got to be kidding me.' I hurried to the bathroom and sure enough my water had broke. I started to panic, how do I tell frank? I didn't want to wake him up, it was 2:30am. I was trying to avoid the fact that I was in labor, I was hoping it was a dream. I went to the bedside and started to shake Frank's arm. "Umm babe, wake up" Frank got all grumpy and asked "What?" I told him my water broke and it was time. He sat straight up and asked, "Are you kidding me? Ugh, this is not a good day." 

It was supposed to be Frank's first day of Grad school at BYU. Not to mention his mom was catching a shuttle to the airport around 9am, and I was supposed to be at school at 8:30. He ran out into the living room and woke his mom up. Now there were 3 of us freaking out. I called my mom and told her today was the day and to get here asap. Frank was in turbo mode and was dressed and pacing back and forth around the house trying to get whatever we needed. I just stared at my closet freaking out. All I could think about was my bag wasn't packed yet, now I didn't know what to wear. I threw some sweats and a black shirt in my bag and a few other necessities. Everything and everyone was ready but I still wasn't dressed. Frank, in blue football print pajama bottoms and an orange shirt, told me to just throw stuff on and let's go. I was freaking out so much I couldn't pick a stupid shirt out, and I had an excuse for why I couldn't wear every shirt he told me to put on. 'I can't wear all black' 'That shirt's stupid' 'That shirt needs layers...' Finally I was dressed and headed out the door. 

At this point my contractions were two minutes apart and the worst pain in the world. I was ready to dome sock Frank and his mom, for no reason other than I was in pain. We arrived to the hospital at 3am and I walked to the check-in counter. The freakin lady sat there asking me questions about who I was, I was getting very angry. She finally let me through the doors and into the room where they would determine if I was in labor or not. The next 25 minutes were all super gross and super annoying. The dumb lady kept asking me questions about my health. As the pain got worse I looked at Frank and told him it was adoption from here on out. The nurses laughed, but I wasn't kidding. Gail kept snapping pictures and telling me to smile, if I could have moved I would of torn that thing right out of her hands. I threw my fist up for a picture and asked her if she wanted to know how I was feeling. I told her I could remind her since it had been 25 years since she was in labor. She laughed and said no thank you. 

Once they officially determined I was in labor, they put me in my room. The funny thing was, after my appointment the day before, we took a tour of the hospital. While on the tour they told us they were packed and only had two rooms left, one of them was a last resort room with no bath tub or extra bed. Well I got stuck in the dang reject room. On top of that the IV lady had a hard time putting in my hand IV. It hurt more than any contraction I had ever had. The pain was making me ruder and ruder by the second. I called her an idiot then apologized immediately. 

By 4am the epidural guy, aka my best friend, had arrived. I was terrified it would hurt like my IV did. Nothing...I felt maybe a little pinch, then a cool sensation as the medicine went down my spine. Within minutes my body was warm and tingly from my belly button and down. It was the best feeling in my entire life. 

The nurse informed us that I was still only a centimeter dilated and it would be hours before I would start pushing. So after a couple hours of rest I sent Frank and Gail home to get ready for the shuttle and to go to school. All alone at 7am I called my friend McCall. She took the day off of school and met me at the hospital. 

Around 9am the pitocin was doing it's job and I was dilated to a 4. My monitor showed I was having back to back contractions but I couldn't feel a thing. By 10am I was a 6, so I called Frank and told him to get here asap because it was happening fast. At that point all the nurses were setting up my room. I called my mom one last time to tell her I was about to push, she cried and apologized for missing the labor, but that she would be there soon. 

Frank arrived at about 10:30 and I started pushing at 11. That last hour was the worst, I was terrified, alone, and in pain. I say alone because I was the only one in pain, and no one could help me at that point. Frank and McCall sat by my side while I cried from the pain. Once I started pushing I didn't feel anything but pressure. 

At 11:46am Madison Noelle Chou was born. The second I saw her I cried uncontrollably. I was a mommy. Frank and McCall were taking pictures and telling me how pretty she was. Frank came to my side and kissed me, he told me how proud he was of me. A few seconds later the doctor pulled out my placenta and blood splashed all over franks shoe and leg. Funniest thing I'd seen all day. He then decided he was going to stand by where Madison was. 

Madison was born 6lbs 1oz and 18 inches long. She was the most beautiful swollen faced, cone headed baby in all the world. 

Maddie is the best baby. She is doing great for a 3 week early premie. She did however test high for Jaundice. She has been on lights 24/7, or as much as mommy can stand being away from her. She is so sweet and loves nothing more than to cuddle all day. She had a hard time learning how to breastfeed, but is a champ now. She's now a week old, 5lbs 11oz and her bilirubin results are going down. 

How can you not love this little face??

We are sad that Gail missed the delivery by 2 hours. There was no way to switch her flights otherwise we would have. My mom had arrived around 6pm and my father arrived around 9pm. It meant a lot to me that my parents dropped everything they had going on to come out to Utah and not only be with me, but to meet Madison. Mom stayed until that next Monday morning. It was the best having her here to guide me through my first few days. Especially since I forgot I had signed up for my Cosmetology State Board Written Exam that following Monday. She let me sleep through the night, which helped me pass my test. Other then changing her and never letting her go, mom pretty much just took three million pictures of her. Thank you everyone for helping us out! We love being parents and are so excited to watch her grow up! 

We move this coming weekend and I couldn't be more excited to finally set up her room and decorate with the cutest little girl stuff. 

We are blessing her Oct. 21st here in Mapleton Utah. Anyone and Everyone is welcome to come! You won't want to miss this cute little face. :)

If You Get A Perm, You Get A Shower

So listen, it's been a while since I have posted anything and a lot has happened. So here are my updates:

Home:
Frank and I got the job managing a storage unit in Mapleton Utah, down the street from Larry and Lisa. The property is small but nice. The down stairs is a small office, and the upstairs is a 2 bedroom apartment about 900 sq ft. It's kind of in the middle of no where so we are only surrounded by a few other businesses, and it's in a court, so it's very quiet and safe. I will be home 24/7 to manage the units from 10am-5:30pm and be a mommy. The best part is you can be upstairs in your house until a customer comes. After Frank gets home from school he can help watch Madison and a few nights a week I will help assist my current school instructor. Stephanie, my instructor, lives around the corner from Larry and Lisa and has a big salon in her house. She offers the works; hair, nails, spray tans, make-up, styles...ect. All I have to do is supply my own chair and be a great assistant. I will be making money helping, but the perks of managing a storage unit it free rent and free utilities.

School:
Frank starts his MBA program at BYU august 14th. He is nervous because he hasn't been in school for a while and knows the two years are going to be a challenge. I know he is a hard worker, quick learner, and very dedicated so he will not only do just fine, he will kill it. I'm sure all he will do is study and do home work, which will make him totes boring, so this is the perfect time to have a baby.
As for me, I graduate august 28th!! I started last august on the 9th, I am one of the very few who will actually graduate in a year. The rest of my class is graduating a month or two behind me. I have learned so much in this last year, and I think I can officially say I have seen it AND done it all.
You see, I thought I was going to get away with graduating without doing a single perm. So far I have never had to do one, until yesterday. Of all the little old ladies to perm, I got the privilege of giving my great grandma Dungan a perm. The perm was going great, it was wrapped and she was processing. Then grandma started crying when we talked about the arrival of Madison, not wanting to cry I said, "don't do that grandma, it's fine. Stop crying." A little harsh but this was no time to sit and cry. Later on I had asked her if the water from my squirt bottle was making her head cold. Her response was, "oh yeah, I'll take a water." I laughed and handed her a water.
Then the worst thing happened. It was time to rinse the perm. Perms have to be rinsed twice, both for 5 minutes using warm water. Well grandma had a towel around her neck, a cape, another towel, then another towel on the back of the neck rest of the shampoo bowl. So you can imagine how surprised I was when I noticed water everywhere. I knew that some water would get on her shirt because it absorbs towel water, but this was something else. The amount of water that her clothes absorbed made school history. When she finally stood up there was literally a puddle on the chair. Wide eyed I looked at her back side and noticed she was soaked from her shoulders to her knees!  I felt so terrible, I don't know how that even happened, my poor grandma.
As we walked back to my chair everyone left and right looked shocked and was asking me what on earth had happened. Not wanting to take the blame I used every excuse that popped into my head. I pointed to grandma and said "oh yeah, my grandma has all these back problems and couldn't lean back all the way, she kept moving, and her head is so small water just leaked out from the sides of her neck." I mean ugh, worst moment of my life.
Don't worry it got worse. Never having done a perm before I was unaware that the older ladies like a roller set after a perm. So grandma asked me if I was going to curl her hair. I couldn't understand why you would perm your hair, if you just wanted it curled. Feeling bad about giving her a shower, I just wanted her to leave so I told her she looked better without a roller set. I can tell that it was only out of the kindness of her heart that she left without a roller set. Until Linda arrived to pick up grandma I stood there blow drying her butt. Luckily Linda had just bought her a pair of pants, so she was able to change.
Grandma ended up being my worst client experience ever. Luckily she loves me so much and was willing to stay positive even though I was obviously ruining her experience. Even when the water was running down her back she laughed and said, "I can feel water down my shirt but at least it's warm water." We laughed, we cried, we got soaked, and we had an overall crazy experience but it was worth it. It's a memory/learning experience I will never forget.
As grandma was leaving she gave me a very very generous tip of $20. After everything that had just happened I told her to keep the money because I was not worthy of such a tip. She told me to keep it, so obviously I did. I now realize I think she wants me to add it onto my tuition so I can stay longer and get more practice!

Work:
I am happy to say I have quit In-N-Out Burger, after an awesome four years with them. Being off my feet after school is a dream come true. Frank just put in his two weeks at One Main Financial where he is an assistant manager. Yay for no more work! With free rent and free utilities, plus getting paid $400 a month from the storage unit we will survive off of my hair money and student loans. The first year of your MBA program you are not allowed to work at all, because of how hard the courses are. However the second year you may work part time, but we will see if that is necessary.

Madison:
Madison and I had our 34 week check up last monday. She is a little over 5 pounds, but is measuring in the 90th percentile for how long she is. She is already 20 inches long. So they decided she is about 36 weeks, but won't move my due date, we will just wait for her arrival. She looks beautiful and healthy. We haven't noticed any signs of retardation so I'm assuming she has Frank's brain. lol. We got some cool 3D pictures of her face though. It looks gorgeous so obviously she got that part from me. Can't wait for her to be here!!!

Our Plans:
Frank starts school August 14th.
We move to Mapleton August 25th.
Ashley graduates August 28th.
August 29th the storage unit is under my management.
September 5th Madison is due!

So no breaks around here. It's all work and no play! Except not too much work because Madison needs to stay inside me at least until the 29th!

35 Weeks

The onsie we will bring Maddie home in

Sexiest Swollen Foot

Before I soaked her clothes

Totes didn't fit into my uniform at 33 weeks. The shirt is an XXL, yikes!

Madison's Face

More of her beautiful Face 

Her face, arms, and chest (kinda creepy looking)

The Sun Can't Always Shine

Here's the thing, pregnancy beats the crap out of you. It absorbs your energy, changes your complexion, increases your food intake, makes your ankles look like a continuous thigh, you gain weight and with weight comes stretch marks, and unfortunately you are full of hormones. I'm convinced i'm not swollen because i'm fat, it's because i'm full of hormones. Spend a day with me and my temper and you will agree.

I always thought being pregnant would be the best. I would have this adorable round belly (hiding my previous gut) and I would love having a growing child inside of me. In my dreams I actually got skinnier being pregnant, I had a glow, and I wanted to flaunt my pregnant self around town. I always hear women talking about how much they love being pregnant and what a blessing it is. Here is what I have to say to that...
What crack are you smoking??

I have been very blessed with an easy pregnancy. Morning sickness was me throwing up twice. Yeah I have swollen feet, but i'm also on my feet all day and night. I've never had any complications, I am very lucky. Yet being pregnant has been the hardest thing for me. I was depressed for a good 6 months. I hated feeling so tired. I hate that I have to be at school 47 hours a week or I won't graduate before the baby. I hate that I also have to work nights. I hated that awkward stage of "is she fat or is she pregnant?" I hated that it took until 22 weeks to actually feel Madison constantly. I hate the weight that I have gained, yet I'm not willing to  go to the gym. I hate being grumpy and taking it out on those around me, esp my poor husband. Some women feel their sexiest when they are pregnant. I would rather look at a picture of gonorrhea than see my naked self.  Get the picture??

I will never regret getting pregnant, however, I wish it would have happened even a month later so I wasn't so rushed to graduate. I know things will be so much better once we have moved and I can set up Madison's room. It hasn't really hit me yet that a baby is on the way and she will need me. Me being pregnant and so exhausted has taken a toll on Frank and I as newly weds. Which is why I say, "The Sun Can't Always Shine"  because things in life will come your way and bring you down. I am not always going to be happy and positive.

But then I got to thinking, and actually the sun does always shine. There is never a dull moment for the sun. The sun might not always be in a spot where we can see it shine, but that shouldn't darken our mood. I started thinking about the physical changes and the mood swings, and why Heavenly Father, such a loving guy, would put us through that. Then it hit me. In 10 weeks I will hold the most precious gift in all the world. I will get to see the face of my beautiful daughter. I will get to nurture her, be her hero, and watch her grow. That is so worth all the stretch marks, pain, and weakness.

My mom is my best friend. I call her almost every day, if not more. She is my hero and my best friend. So as long as I am at least half the mom that my mother is to me, Madison will love me forever.

With all that aside, I would like to say that I am on week 30 and I am doing great. Doc says I am healthy, blood pressure is still good, and the pee samples are flowin'. Madison is a healthy 3lbs, punches and kicks her mom, opens and closes her eyes, and swallows her own pee. She also loves the movies, the noise makes  her move and kick like a bird trying to hatch from an egg. Luckily she doesn't have a beak because that would hurt.

Funny story: Frank informed me that after obtaining his masters in business he would love to one day become a senator. He would be great at being a senator, but that would make me the senators wife. Therefore I would have to be interviewed and closely watched. I mean, I am used to paparazzi, but let's be honest...me in an interview about politics? So I had Frank quiz me about political stuff to see how much I really need to learn and how much I can make up. He asked me who our president was, I passed. Then he asked who was the vice president and the secretary, I have no idea, so instead of saying nothing, I went with George Washington. lol. We have come to the conclusion that if I become a senators wife, if I come across a question I do not know the answer to, I will just smile and start posing. Which leads me to the fact that if I was still single I would do really good on the show Beauty and the Geek.

So now it's timeline time. I want to post these pictures not to get depressed about how cute and skinny I was, or to publicly humiliate myself, but to motivate me. (also motivate is spelt with a T not a D, spell check just told me that). After I have M, I want to gain my confidence back and go back to that healthy looking girl I was. I wasn't skinny, but I was healthy and a good weight, and it's an ideal goal to start out with. So here goes nothing.

                                               This is me in china before I met Frank

This is when Frank and I were engaged

Our Wedding

When I first got pregnant

About 18 weeks

25 Weeks

Now 30 Weeks

Cute pics, but I want my body back!!